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What’s Your Sign?

March 3, 2009

Mine is “Big Ass Robot”, seen on the left. It’s a Metal Sign, ascending in the House of Cyberdyne, and is typical of homicidal cyborgs, the destruction of the human race and a hatred of Water Signs (we rust, after all). We also like newborn puppies, long walks on the beach during the full moon and rough anal sex.

However, after looking at the alignment of these stars, it is entirely possible my Sign is actually Chewbacca, which means I’m a Wookie and you should let me win because I’ll rip your arms off. Whichever it is, I’m totally sure that these arbitrary and random sky-pictures completely determine my destiny from birth to death!

Or Maybe It's Chewbacca.

Or Maybe It's Chewbacca.

P.S. Atrology Is Bullshit. ‘Nuff said.

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I Ran Into A Door, I Swear!

March 3, 2009

Honest, officer, I fell down the stairs and hit my eye after walking straight into a door! No, I was my fault! Please don’t arrest my boyfriend! It’s my fault, sir!

I didn’t listen, that’s all! But I listened real quick so I didn’t get a second black eye!

What Happens When I Don't Listen.

What Happens When I Don't Listen.

Domestic abuse really isn’t funny. But some people just won’t listen, am I right?

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Mac Has Control Issues

March 1, 2009

I think I need to tell the cops at the city gate that they have a potential rapist in the city:

I Think I Need to Run Now

I Think I Need to Run Now

Hee hee hee: Bulging!

Later, Mac uses the coolest euphemism for getting an erection I’ve ever heard.

Mac Talks Nerdy To Say He's Getting A Boner

Mac Talks Nerdy To Say He's Getting A Boner

I think I’ll use that in a conversation right now:

Me: Honey, we need to get naked really quick!

Her: We do?

Me: Yep! I’m as leveled up as I can possibly be right now and I need to fight your boss character while I’m at my most powerful.

Her: You sure know how to kill the mood, don’t you?

Me: Fine. I’ll disarm my Staff of Power in the bathroom…

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So He’s The Town Twink?

March 1, 2009

Apparently, when the Furries get lonely, horny and desperate in my town, the use Dana for their sexual gratification.

I think my wife and I need to have a conversation.

Dana Is the Town Pinch Hitter.

Dana Is the Town Pinch Hitter.

P.S. Isn’t the Hitter between the Pitcher and the Catcher? Does this mean there is some form of bizarre gay German porn I’ve yet to discover? I think the Interwebs owe me an answer.

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After Visiting the (Adult) Theater

March 1, 2009

And the man says to the bartender “if six shots of Jagermeister don’t get the taste out of my mouth, I doubt one more shot will!”

Getting The Taste Out of My Mouth

Getting The Taste Out of My Mouth

Yes, I’m implying my breath tastes of Furries’ penises!

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Road Movie to Berlin

March 1, 2009

So I stumbled into the theater late at night a little down on my luck. So I did what many people would do in such a situation: I gave a few hummers to earn a few bucks. Furries love oral sex too, I guess.

Could You Just Unzip Your Costume, Sir?

Could You Just Unzip Your Costume, Sir?


For $10 More I'll Cry The Whole Time.

For $10 More I'll Cry The Whole Time.

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Just a Pretty Sunset

March 1, 2009

Here I am in my Apple t-shirt, posing on a bridge as the sun sets. Nothing dirty about it.

A Pretty Sunset

A Pretty Sunset